We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
