I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize