This is not my ceiling
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
