I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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