It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
