Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
