You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
