I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
