I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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