Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
