do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
