it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
