I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
