I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
