No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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