oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
