You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
