do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
