and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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