Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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