I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
