the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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