He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
