were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
