She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got inside last night via doggy door
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize