i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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