Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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