i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
