I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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