i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
