So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
