There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
