Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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