The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
