Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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