Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
