On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize