Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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