Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
