Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize