well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
