you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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