Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't deserve a penis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize