We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
