did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize