i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
