We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
