i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A+ Viking dick
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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