Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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