Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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