he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
