I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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