he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
