Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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