Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
