My Higher Power is John Stamos
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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