i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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