Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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