Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
love makes seman taste better
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
