I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
