I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
