His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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