summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
