three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
