im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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