i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
