I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
