8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
