non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
