Soap is not a condiment
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
