I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
