Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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