Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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