jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
